I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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