I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
