btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He did a backflip because drugs
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