Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
