I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
you had me at cake vodka
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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