a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
