I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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