were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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