i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
