I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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