I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
