she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
