I'm so fucking centered right now
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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