You smell like a Billy Joel song
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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