he was CRYING into my vagina
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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