What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
