We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
