I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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