Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
