Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
