My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
