He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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