That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
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He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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