It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
