I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
