You really coming over, don't trick.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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