Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
