He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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