I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
