So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
