The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
