I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
