He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
