Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
