Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize