just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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