: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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