I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
