The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
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I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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