Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
