I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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