My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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