in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
