she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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