Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My vagina is very pro this idea
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
