I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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