Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
