Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
