when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I am puke
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
