True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
