nutella sex= disaster
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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