She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
