he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
