4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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