It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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