I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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