dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
