Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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