Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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