I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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