I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
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They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
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you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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