alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
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I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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