I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
