It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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