I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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