Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
