I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
