: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
