I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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