I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
