I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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