I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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