I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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